- Like watching a National Geographic documentary. Seemed like an interesting way to spend my evening, but felt like taking a nap halfway through it.
Recently, after hearing yet another "Yeah, I'm not calling him again" story from one of my female friends, I realized one thing: most men don't know how to WOO a woman anymore. Maybe it's because we're used to getting everything fast these days: our news, our food, our orders, our next good lay. Or maybe the stress level we live under each and every day leaves us no space to be present and creative in our personal lives anymore. Nevertheless, even if it's 2020, men still seem to need a hand when it comes to sweeping a woman off her feet.
(For those of you ready to hunt me down with a mower for not talking about equality - yes, women should put in an effort as well. And I will cover that in a separate article. It will most likely be a "How to tone down the crazy" kind of guide, but still.)
After running a careful research among my women friends, I concluded there are 7 factors that can make a man STAND out or FALL out in the eyes of a woman.
1. The "gentleman" factor
We have fought for our right to equality for so long, that we made men forget about chivalry. I realized this recently, when a guy picked me up for a date and while I was heading towards him, he got out of the car and opened the car door for me. For the first 5 minutes, I was more shocked than Leonardo di Caprio when he finally won an Oscar. But then I started wondering: why did I accept anything less from the other guys I dated? So. Men. Open doors for her. Hold her coat while she's getting dressed. Pull out the chair at the restaurant table. Bring her flowers on the first date. Those are the kind of gestures that might help you get (a)head.
2. The "listening" factor
Pay attention to what she's saying and don't just wait for your turn to talk. Take notes, if necessary (but not while we're watching). If you had conversations prior to your first date with her, take some time and find something to surprise her with. For instance, if she mentioned a book that she would like to read, give it to her as a present. A friend of mine recently told me that she said to a guy that freesia was her favorite flower. On one of their dates, he arranged to have those flowers on the restaurant table where he took her out to dinner.
3. The "I see you in my future" factor
Now, this is very delicate and can make you drop from "Hey, sweetie" to "Goodbye, creepy" in just a matter of seconds, so handle this with care. As much as we are known for wanting commitment, there is nothing that will scare us more than a man who does too much, too soon. So, if you're in the early stages of dating a woman that you like, DON'T give her the keys to your apartment after just 2 weeks, DON'T talk about how you want to marry her and have kids. Instead, give hints that are more 2020 appropriate: invite her to an event that's happening in the future, but no longer than 2 months ahead (personally, I would say no more than one month in the beginning, but I'm sure other women will disagree). Or why not, give her your Netflix/HBO Go/Amazon Prime password (hey, you can always change it if shit hits the fan!).
4. The "romance" factor
Romance is dead, long live the romance! If you're lucky enough and you got her to your place, don't take out your fuckboy playlist. That will not make us hornier. So just leave the Magic Mike soundtracks on the side for a while and try some Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra for a change. There's nothing that will make those panties drop faster than a guy with style.
5. The "spontaneity" factor
The greatest memories come from taking the unfamiliar paths, not from following a well established plan. Just feel the moment and you'll figure out what works. For instance, I was out with a guy on a second date and after desperately trying to find the right angle to kiss on every stop sign while in the car, he finally pulled over, got out, opened the door and got ME out of the car, just so that he could kiss me properly. Hands down to him - that was one passionate kiss.
6. The "initiative" factor
This is 2020. Ditch that "dinner and a movie" scenario. Forget about going for coffee in a place everybody knows. There are many other (more or less) unconventional ways to get to know her, while having fun. For instance, you can share an experience in an escape room. Or explore the world in a VR studio. Watch the stars at the Astronomical Observer. However, there are some limits to thinking outside of the box. For instance, one of my friends told me that her crush took her to a group therapy session. And, to make things even worse, her ex was also attending that workshop. Cringe level: 10.000.
If you're not the adventurous type, or you're simply an introvert, just find a cute, small coffee shop or restaurant that has a unique touch and that not many people know about. It will help you strike up a conversation and it will give you extra points for taking her to a special place.
7. The "WOW" factor
Last, but not least. Actually, it might just be the most important one. The tricky part for the "WOW" factor is that there are no recipes or specific guidelines. This just really depends on the woman you're dating and your capacity to read the vibe between you two. I will give you two examples.
Many years ago, a guy approached me on my former blog. At that time, I was writing mostly therapy stuff, so he left a smart ass comment on one of my posts. I ignored him. Then he told me that he wanted to start counselling and since I was in search of a case study for my master's degree, I agreed to meet him. We went out and had a few hours of back-and-forth sarcastic lines. He was cocky and I wasn't sure if I was annoyed or aroused by that. We went on talking (well, mostly me making fun of him) for about two weeks, time in which he tirelessly tried to get me to go out on another date with him. One night, he told me that he was in front of my apartment building and that I needed to come down, because he had something to show me. I let him wait for a while in his car, and then finally, I got down. He was waiting for me, with a message written on pieces of paper, just like Mark in Love Actually. No, the messages weren't just like the ones in the movie - he just pulled out some funny lines to let me know he really liked me. After flaunting all the pages in front of me, he didn't say anything and just left. Long story short, we were married 2 years after.
Another example is more recent. I was on this amazing date with a guy and after a few hours of talking, we decided to go back to his apartment. Just when we arrived and I got out of the car, I stepped into a big slush and dipped my sandals into the muddy water. Like a true lady that I am, I just rolled my eyes and swallowed up my Tourette impulse. We walked into the apartment, when he said: "Let's get you washed now, shall we?". As I gave him the "Let's do the what now?" suspicious look, he led me to the bathroom and let the water run in the shower. Now, to be honest, washing my feet was the last thing I thought I would end up doing on that date. As I was trying to find an elegant way to handle the situation, he just dipped my foot into the warm water and started washing it in the most sensual way and I swear to God, I can't remember a moment that made me feel more intrigued and splurged, at the same time. He then went on and washed my other foot and gently dried both of them with a fluffy towel, while looking at me. Needles to say, sex was definitely on the table that night. And under the table. And on the living room floor. And again, in the shower.
If you have other cool stories on this topic (or other factors to add that I might have missed), please share them with me!
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